Dolla Dolla Bill Y’all

Here I am, back on another weekend because after each day of the week staring at a computer monotonously entering data, the last thing I want to do is log on to yet another computer. So weekend updates are all you’ll get for now.

I’m looking for a second job because I’ve decided I want to live in a $2 Million house by the time I’m 35.

Just let me dream and try to attempt this okay? Law of attraction right? If I believe it I can do it. So let me do this. Support me in this “crazy” idea. Now, I realize I need to get 2 extremely high paying jobs to ever get to the point where I can live like this. Or maybe 3 or 4….or even better just one where I’m the BAWSE.

Here’s the thing, I don’t know HOW I’m going to make a ton of money, I just know that I WILL. I have 15 months to make this happen. Or 27 months if you count the year I will actually be 35.

This post is just to say “Watch me do this suckas!”

The end.

– π’œπ“‚π“Ž 𝒰𝓃𝒸𝒽𝒢𝓇𝓉𝑒𝒹

Tiny Mouth Saved My Life!

I think it’s safe to say I’ve severely neglected this blog. What can I say? Life has kind of taken over with the job and the moving and just trying to stay upright.

The job. It’s good. Monotonous but good. I should be hired on as more than a temp by the 26th so yay! job stability.

Living. I’m settled into that all vegetarian house and it’s been good so far. I finally got a bed. A real big girl bed. I’ve been sleeping on a roll up for probably the last few years. It was time to adult.

Something I’ve noticed in my new place though is that I eat like shit. I’m painfully aware of it because everyone here eats like angels. Fresh produce. Nightly, fully prepared dinners, and organized pantry filled with beans and grains. It’s time to get healthy for real. I’ve been awful for years now. I stopped eating well…well, doing anything good for my body, after I ran a marathon back in 2014 (I think that’s when it was). I think I burned out. Breaking up with Sondra didn’t help the situation either since I’m a depressive eater and it’s just gotten out of control since then. Now, after years of trashing my being, my hair is falling out like crazy, my nails break if I just look at them, and I’m constantly tired, relying on coffee a few times throughout the day just to maintain a chipper and awake life.

I tend to go all in or not at all. Treating my body well needs to become a lifestyle change, not a whoa! here we go cold turkey off of all my junk foods and start running 5 miles a day. I think I’m going to start by stopping at the farmer’s market on Sunday and picking something out for a nice meal. There is this yummy pot pie stuffed into peppers that Mamrie Hart made that I might try tomorrow.

Speeaakking of Mamrie Hart. Good segue self *pats self on back* I met her. I went to her show and IΒ met her.Β To say my life has been made would be an extreme understatement. Honestly, I do feel as if I could die happy now. I went into it a bit on my instagram and facebook as to why this person is so important to me and how she has absolutely changed my life. But let me regale it here as well.

*ahem* 2016 was rough. And I brought it entirely upon myself. I’d decided that stopping my medication abruptly was a good plan. I hated (still hate) that shit. “Who am I without the meds?”Β  I would ask myself. My response was always I’m a depressed and anxious mess and if I can’t live without them then I don’t want to live at all. It’s always been my argument that depression weeds out those too weak to survive in this world. Maybe it’s population control. If depression didn’t take as many people as it does we’d be even more overpopulated. All back on medication my brain understands how depressing and wrong this belief is, but it’s where I go when life sucks.

Annnnywways…New Year’s Eve was set to be an awful day. It would be the first one I’d spend alone. I didn’t know what to do. I was bored and sad. I spent the day in bed. But I wasn’t sad as I’d planned I would be. I found Mamrie Hart’s “You Deserve a Drink” youtube channel again. I’d watched a few in the past, but that day I watched them all. Then I moved to “Mametown” her other channel. And then onto Camp Takota and Dirty 30, the movies she wrote and acted in. I remember losing track of time because I was laughing so hard. I didn’t even know it, but the New Year had begun. It was 12:30 am and I made it through my first NYE stag. I honestly owe my life to Mamrie Hart. The next morning I woke up, still depressed (remember I’m lacking my happy pills), but I remembered the night before. How good it felt to laugh. I told myself I could choose to be happy. I looked in the mirror, literally said “What are you going to choose?” and promptly started up the medication again. I hated myself for it, but I promised I’d give myself one year of consistent medication. I’d take it without thinking about it. I would take care of myself. And I did. I did it for a year and haven’t stopped.

I wrote Mamrie a fan letter because I do feel so grateful for her part in my “recovery”. It was a page long and I was so afraid to give it to her. I walked up to her during the meet and greet. She gave me two great big hugs and complimented my Camp Takota sweatshirt. I shyly asked if I could get a picture with Tiny Mouth (one of the best characters she does) “Tiny Mouth saved my life” I said. I meant that seriously, but she wouldn’t understand until she read the letter. “Oh my god I need that put on a T-shirt! Tiny Mouth Saved My Life!” After we took several pictures I mumbled “I know this is nerdy, but I wrote you a letter.” She looked me dead in the eye, with complete seriousness and sincerity and said “That is not nerdy at all, it is so considerate and shows you care. Thank you so much!” She hugged me and sent me off with “Oh! You smell great! Like honey suckle!” This sounds like such a weird compliment, but it sent me flying. Mamrie thinks I smell good!!!!

Best night of my life and I’m not exaggerating. This overrides any interaction I’ve had with any person I admire. I love the picture of Tiny Mouth and me laughing my face off. It’s not flattering, but it’s the epitome of what Mamrie has done for me. Put a smile on my face.

Watch tiny mouth here:

–Β π’œπ“‚π“Ž 𝒰𝓃𝒸𝒽𝒢𝓇𝓉𝑒𝒹

Working and Living

My job has been keeping me busy. I’ve had very little time to blog…obvs. Life in the work realm has been going pretty well. It’s a bit mindless. I just enter in orders…all day. It’s not entirely bad though. It’s an office job. There isn’t a dress code. WIN! Health benefits are free. There is a rooftop eating area that looks at the city. The company buys lunch for employees once a month…and vegan offerings are available. And fresh brewed coffee is provided in the mornings.

It’s a bit strange though. I’ve never worked in a job where there is so much independence. I don’t have to tell anyone if I’m going to go to the bathroom. I can take my breaks early or late or whenever I want. No one cares what I wear and right now (until I’m trained on phones) I don’t have to talk to anyone. This. Is. An. Introvert’s. Dream. I really am going to have to work to make friends here though. I tend to keep to myself at lunches. Rarely do I eat because I’m just too nervous around people I don’t know. This should change once I’m more comfortable with the environment, but for now it’s just how it is. People seem friendly, and I’ve had brief conversations with people where they introduce themselves and I immediately forget their name. Literally the worst thing about anxiety. When people introduce themselves I’m usually having a conversation in my own head about how awkward I must be right now. Am I sitting weird? Smiling too much? Making uncomfortable eye contact!? Before ya know it the conversation is over and I have no clue what they said. Fun stuff.

The apartment hunt: I believe it’s over. I found this place in Santa Monica. It’s a room in a 4 bedroom house with a cool group of people. It’s a purely vegetarian household which is pretty awesome, 15 minutes from the beach, and close to work. Everyone there does yoga and meditates on the daily. I think it will be a good environment to be in. Living with other people is 1000% outside of my comfort zone, but I feel like it could be aΒ reallyΒ good set up if I just let it be. Anyways, so it all hinges on WillyBean right now. I’m bringing him by tomorrow to see how he does with the 2 small dogs that are there. They were super sweet when I met them and don’t think there will be any issues. After all that’s sorted out I can move in asap. Also nice. It’s a 3 month lease situation. I feel so much more comfortable with this knowing that it’s not a year long commitment, and who knows, maybe I’ll want to stay forever.

So things are coming together. Slowly but surely. Also, I say slowly, but I need to back myself up here and realize that I’ve been here just over a month and already have a decent job and am on my way to solidifying a living situation. Not too bad.

Side note: Mamrie Hart likedΒ another one of my instagram comments. We are pretty much best friends now, as I will have 5 copies of her new book by the time her book tour is over. I’m thinking of doing an instagram giveaway for the extra books I’ll have.

OH YEAH! I alsoΒ didΒ end up winning the print of Mamrie’s life motto! And *blush* I also signed up forΒ another giveaway to win a pin of her super cute dog Beanz.

be4e48fbb4d6e0172ee392a7c906a6adWhat a god damn magical creature.

Well, I think that’s my weekly update. Tomorrow is the next Emilie Autumn meetup, so I might be back to give you all the deets on that. I know you’ll be dying to hear πŸ˜›

–Β π’œπ“‚π“Ž 𝒰𝓃𝒸𝒽𝒢𝓇𝓉𝑒𝒹


Trans Lifeline

One of my New Year’s resolutions was to donate $20 every month to a different organization. This month I chose Trans Lifeline. It is a non profit that runs a supportive hotline specifically for the trans community. I will admit that, as a cisgender lesbian, I amΒ not fully competent on trans issues, nor have I been a big contributor in the past. What I can say is I’ve had several trans friends who have struggled with discrimination not only from straight folks and their families, but also from the gay population. On top of that, depression runs rampant through the transgender community.

I read on the Trans Lifeline website that “transgender people are 22 more times likely to attempt suicide than the general population”. This made me so incredibly sad. I’m so glad that an organization like Trans Lifeline, which is run for trans people by trans people, exists. Right now they only offer services for 18 hours a day 7 days a week due to funding, though they are working on operating 24/7. I know my wimpy $25 donation doesn’t do a whole lot. Several small donations add up though. I encourage everyone to go check out the Trans Lifeline website and make a donation if you can. I plan on continuing educating myself and others on these issues. I have a few books on my reading list for this year. Check out this list of 21 Must-Read Books covering a number of transgender issuesΒ (link)Β And remember to support your trans friends. Hug them, tell them you love them. They may not be getting that support from their families or communities.

Go check out the Trans Lifeline website atΒ

Did I miss anything here? Let me know if you have anything to say about Trans Lifeline or have any information I should include in this post.

π’œπ“‚π“Ž 𝒰𝓃𝒸𝒽𝒢𝓇𝓉𝑒𝒹

Getting Creative

My passion is starting to take a little shape. When I was in college I was part of the Evanescence street team. We (pretty much me) would go around putting up fliers and handing out stickers to anyone that would take them. I loved it so much. I wrote college papers about Evanescence, traveled to a number of shows both in and out of state, and overall just wouldn’t shut up about them. Wouldn’t it be great if I could be part of another street team? I know you don’t really get paid to do this, but maybe it could lead to some kind of promoting gig?

These are just my morning thoughts. I’m going to try to go to more concerts. One of the New Year’s resolutions was to go to 6 concerts. I’m going to drastically up that number. I really should go to a show about twice a month. This will let me scope out the music scene here and see if there is a need for street teams or promoters at a grassroots level. I love it. Going to concerts as research πŸ˜›

This is where I go off on a bit of a tangent, but it’s related to music sort of. I use to beΒ reallyΒ creative. LikeΒ really.Β I was reminded yesterday of the time I made my own crystal ball as a kid using a piece of paper that I’d drawn “divinations” on and wrapping it around a flash light. And later in life, I use to paint. I use to draw. I use to sew.

I guess I was reminded of these later in life creations because I found my old photobucket account. Here’s what I had in there:

bibleartThis was a series I did of Bible art. I had several bibles that were handed out on campus as a converting tool from your friendly local Christians. I would rip them up (blasphemous I know), decoupage, and paint. I had 2 others in this series, but apparently didn’t save them to photobucket. I rather like this one though. When I left Wisconsin I literally put all my art in the garbage can and left. Years of drawings/paintings/random crafts, they all sit in a landfill somewhere in the Midwest. Really regret that.Β JadeMeet Jade. This was my alter ego back in the day. Not all light and positive like AmyUncharted is today. I had a whole backstory though. I would usually dress like her to Evanescence shows and would write stories and draw pictures of her constantly. One of my roommates in college was a photographer and she did a whole series on Jade. Again, this is the only photo I have.Β vkabloomerbrigade009

This is me as a member of Emilie Autumn’s bloomer brigade. I made this entire outfit (all but skirt and shoes) in preparation for her first US show in New York. I tea dyed the shirt and sewed on the red heart (Emilie’s signature), made the cape and rat cameo choker, poorly sewed those red bloomers, and again tea dyed and sewed the rat bag that Emilie later signed. I was also a member of the US chapter of Veronica’s Kissing Army so I made a badge for that too. Later, I was pulled on stage in front of hundreds of fans to kiss Veronica herself. Yes,Β IΒ did that. Proof

So, I guess what I’m saying is if my passion is indeed setting up meetups, creating community, and being involved in music, they are all very creative things. I want to get back to my creative roots. Start making art again, start thinking more whimsically, start using what’s inside of me. I’ve felt very dull recently, but I know that creativity is bubbling just at the surface. I feel it coming back and I’m excited to put it to good use.

–Β Β π’œπ“‚π“Žπ’°π“ƒπ’Έπ’½π’Άπ“‡π“‰π‘’π’Ή

Just Your Regular Update

Okay, so I’m feeling a bit better today about the job. It’s not my passion and that’s okay. I can find my passion elsewhere. For example, in the meetups I’m planning. On February 4th the Emilie Autumn meetup will take place. I’m so excited to meet some other plague rats and work on the puzzles with them. On the 11th of February will be the Orphan Black meetup. There is already so much interest that I’m sure another will be planned after this. All that is good.

I’m ready to hustle hard at this job. My plan is to pick up as many hours as possible. The interviewer said there are lots of opportunities for overtime and I plan on taking full advantage of that. *sings* Money money money money moooooney…MONEY! I’d like to get a chunk of savings started. I’ve never been able to save, and I don’t really know why I think I will be able to save now, but I’m feeling oddly confident.

I start work on the 30th so I’m trying to soak up all the weather and activities I can. Today, I’m sitting in the sun again, at a coffee shop. This is my favorite thing. I love the palm trees, the weather, everything. Overall, LA is agreeing with me quite well.

π’œπ“‚π“Ž 𝒰𝓃𝒸𝒽𝒢𝓇𝓉𝑒𝒹

Show me the Money

I had an interview today (and was offered the position) for data entry at a pharmaceutical company. It’s not an ideal situation. It’s basically a call center in a basement, but they pay more than the tennis club. So, here I am, following the money. I think I’m going to take the position, but keep looking for jobs.

*sigh* This isn’t exactly what I envisioned working in LA would be like. But, I’m going to hustle, do what I gotta do, and keep my eyes on a better future. Now that I have a job it’s time to really focus on finding an apartment. Other downside to this place is it’s kind of far from where I wanted to live. Oh well. Again, I’m going to do what I’ve got to do and act with passion each day. Upside? It’s a 9-5 Monday thru Friday. Meaning, I can still make it to all my meetups and Mamrie Hart book tour.

Anyways, I’m feeling a mix of emotions from excited (yay! I finally have a job, soΒ someoneΒ might rent me an apartment) to hopeless (boo! this job may totally suck).

Positive words for today? Practice Reckless Optimism. Find hope in the hopeless. Hannah Hart quote and a philosophy I try to live by.

“reckless optimism” means appreciating what you have, seeing opportunities where before you might have only seen a downside and taking chances.

You can read the whole article on Reckless Optimism by clicking here

π’œπ“‚π“Ž 𝒰𝓃𝒸𝒽𝒢𝓇𝓉𝑒𝒹