I am afraid of everything. I had a moment the other day when I realized this and it kind of made me stop in my tracks. It sounds negative, but really it was an empowering epiphany. If I look at all I’ve done DESPITE this overwhelming fear I conquer everyday, I am absolutely amazed with myself. Honestly, a couple of days ago I had an actual out of body experience where I could feel the very real fear, but see myself pushing through it. My car was rear ended by a small semi a couple of years ago and it took me forever to feel comfortable on the road again. On Tuesday this week, I was rear ended while sitting at a stop light. Very minor, but it made that same sickening crunch and jolt. I felt it all over again. As I got out into traffic after getting all the insurance info I realized how scared I was. I still am. But I’m doing it anyways. I don’t have moments of “Wow Amy, you rock and are amazing!” very often, but while I was driving back to work that day I couldn’t help it. And that feeling has kind of stuck around. I do a lot despite my brains overactive paranoia. I’ve always had this fear inside me. It hasn’t lessened or gone away, but something has changed. I’m moving towards the discomfort. I don’t know why and I don’t know how, but I do know that it feels worth it.
There isn’t much of a lesson here, I just really felt the need to share. I am a fearful person and I’m still living and thriving and I’m proud of myself for that. I don’t recognize my accomplishments often enough, so here I am, doing that today.