I think it’s safe to say I’ve severely neglected this blog. What can I say? Life has kind of taken over with the job and the moving and just trying to stay upright.
The job. It’s good. Monotonous but good. I should be hired on as more than a temp by the 26th so yay! job stability.
Living. I’m settled into that all vegetarian house and it’s been good so far. I finally got a bed. A real big girl bed. I’ve been sleeping on a roll up for probably the last few years. It was time to adult.
Something I’ve noticed in my new place though is that I eat like shit. I’m painfully aware of it because everyone here eats like angels. Fresh produce. Nightly, fully prepared dinners, and organized pantry filled with beans and grains. It’s time to get healthy for real. I’ve been awful for years now. I stopped eating well…well, doing anything good for my body, after I ran a marathon back in 2014 (I think that’s when it was). I think I burned out. Breaking up with Sondra didn’t help the situation either since I’m a depressive eater and it’s just gotten out of control since then. Now, after years of trashing my being, my hair is falling out like crazy, my nails break if I just look at them, and I’m constantly tired, relying on coffee a few times throughout the day just to maintain a chipper and awake life.
I tend to go all in or not at all. Treating my body well needs to become a lifestyle change, not a whoa! here we go cold turkey off of all my junk foods and start running 5 miles a day. I think I’m going to start by stopping at the farmer’s market on Sunday and picking something out for a nice meal. There is this yummy pot pie stuffed into peppers that Mamrie Hart made that I might try tomorrow.
Speeaakking of Mamrie Hart. Good segue self *pats self on back* I met her. I went to her show and I met her. To say my life has been made would be an extreme understatement. Honestly, I do feel as if I could die happy now. I went into it a bit on my instagram and facebook as to why this person is so important to me and how she has absolutely changed my life. But let me regale it here as well.
*ahem* 2016 was rough. And I brought it entirely upon myself. I’d decided that stopping my medication abruptly was a good plan. I hated (still hate) that shit. “Who am I without the meds?” I would ask myself. My response was always I’m a depressed and anxious mess and if I can’t live without them then I don’t want to live at all. It’s always been my argument that depression weeds out those too weak to survive in this world. Maybe it’s population control. If depression didn’t take as many people as it does we’d be even more overpopulated. All back on medication my brain understands how depressing and wrong this belief is, but it’s where I go when life sucks.
Annnnywways…New Year’s Eve was set to be an awful day. It would be the first one I’d spend alone. I didn’t know what to do. I was bored and sad. I spent the day in bed. But I wasn’t sad as I’d planned I would be. I found Mamrie Hart’s “You Deserve a Drink” youtube channel again. I’d watched a few in the past, but that day I watched them all. Then I moved to “Mametown” her other channel. And then onto Camp Takota and Dirty 30, the movies she wrote and acted in. I remember losing track of time because I was laughing so hard. I didn’t even know it, but the New Year had begun. It was 12:30 am and I made it through my first NYE stag. I honestly owe my life to Mamrie Hart. The next morning I woke up, still depressed (remember I’m lacking my happy pills), but I remembered the night before. How good it felt to laugh. I told myself I could choose to be happy. I looked in the mirror, literally said “What are you going to choose?” and promptly started up the medication again. I hated myself for it, but I promised I’d give myself one year of consistent medication. I’d take it without thinking about it. I would take care of myself. And I did. I did it for a year and haven’t stopped.
I wrote Mamrie a fan letter because I do feel so grateful for her part in my “recovery”. It was a page long and I was so afraid to give it to her. I walked up to her during the meet and greet. She gave me two great big hugs and complimented my Camp Takota sweatshirt. I shyly asked if I could get a picture with Tiny Mouth (one of the best characters she does) “Tiny Mouth saved my life” I said. I meant that seriously, but she wouldn’t understand until she read the letter. “Oh my god I need that put on a T-shirt! Tiny Mouth Saved My Life!” After we took several pictures I mumbled “I know this is nerdy, but I wrote you a letter.” She looked me dead in the eye, with complete seriousness and sincerity and said “That is not nerdy at all, it is so considerate and shows you care. Thank you so much!” She hugged me and sent me off with “Oh! You smell great! Like honey suckle!” This sounds like such a weird compliment, but it sent me flying. Mamrie thinks I smell good!!!!
Best night of my life and I’m not exaggerating. This overrides any interaction I’ve had with any person I admire. I love the picture of Tiny Mouth and me laughing my face off. It’s not flattering, but it’s the epitome of what Mamrie has done for me. Put a smile on my face.
Watch tiny mouth here: