When anxiety gets the best of you…

I skipped out on the interview today for several reasons, but the most important one was that I didn’t have any interview clothes. I tried to go shopping this morning at one of the big malls here, but I couldn’t find anything. Also, let me say, as someone who detests pushy sales people I could have really used some help. Here’s a tip if you don’t like to be pestered by employees at Nordstrom: Wear a beat up sweatshirt that you’ve worn and slept in for the last 3 days that has toothpaste stains on the sleeves. Pair it with faded (and not in the cool way) black jeans and $6 flats from Target. And there you have it folks, you have the whole store to shop in uninterrupted. Honestly though, I was quickly approaching anxiety tears. To avoid a scene in the middle of The Grove, I went back to my car. I was even desperate enough to stop at Ross and Kmart with my red blotchy face before heading home. Again, I came up with nothing.

I know I could have just gone to that interview with whatever I could have found on the racks, but I suck at half-assing things. If I don’t feel comfortable in the clothes I’m wearing, my already low self confidence would be the only thing anyone would see. And, if I’m being real with myself, maybe there was a bit of self sabotage going on. I was afraid of actually getting the job. This isn’t a new thing, just something I’m continually working on.

I want to find the positives in today’s hiccup (I have to remind myself that’s all it was). I made it out of the apartment, drove to the mall and parked in a parking garage, wandered around stores that I didn’t feel the most comfortable in, drove back to the apartment, found a parking spot, and walked to a coffee shop. My anxiety self did a lot today.

Anyways, when I’m down, I like to watch Lilly Singh videos for inspiration. She constantly talks about hustling harder, being a Bawse, and putting everything into all you do. I’m going to take some of that advice now. I’m going to do my best Bawse impression for the rest of the day.

1. Apply to 2 jobs
2. Contact 2 apartments
3. Read 50 pages of my book

I’ll keep you posted on my progress. And, for the record, this blog won’t always be filled with my anxious ramblings. I do plan on creating daily themes and more participatory content. Thanks for reading in the meantime.

-𝒜𝓂𝓎 𝒰𝓃𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓇𝓉𝑒𝒹



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